I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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