Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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