Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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