I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
