got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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