We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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