Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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