R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
