She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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