I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
