Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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