i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Randomize