when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
