I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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