Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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