So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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