he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
