I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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