Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
