Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
