So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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