All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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