drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
