i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
