it's too hot outside to masturbate.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize