why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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