woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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