I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize