planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
