I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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