is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
