I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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