I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
