Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
