Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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