ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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