i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
