I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize