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i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
FUCK WHALES
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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