The maid of honor just puked.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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