There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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