yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
