If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
