You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize