Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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