is your mom at the bar?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
