My balls are so social today.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
