benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize