Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
