Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
