3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
