A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
