walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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