You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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