Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
