At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
