Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
