If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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