I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
