I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
