I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
