I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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