I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
