either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
