and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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