Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize