The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
