My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
