I feel great
I just peed on a car
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just found puke in my bra..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
