why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
