next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
