Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
