Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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