you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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