I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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