I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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