I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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