I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
