Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
