I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
