I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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