How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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