he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
