It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize