I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
