Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
