Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
