you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize