He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
