On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
