Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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