Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
