he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
