Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
