Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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