Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
